It has now become a custom for me to share an essay about where my mind is at on my birthdays.
“I know of nothing more difficult than knowing who you are, and having the courage to share the reasons for your character with the world.” — adapted quote from William Gass
The acceptance and understanding I have now of God’s love did not come to me by chance. I am deeply grateful for the life experiences that have brought me to this point. I can understand if what I’m saying from here on doesn’t make sense to you - hopefully at some point it will.
I have now spent a quarter of a century - and a couple hours - here on earth. The last 15 months of it I have spent with one goal top of mind - using technology to provide personal insights to guide daily actions, leading to a life with more agency and less guesswork for anyone.
Recently, I began to grow weary. I hoped to be at point of irrefutable success by now but product market-fit is nobody’s mate.
After personal reflection & conversations with people close to me I became clear that I essentially created myself an idol out of my work, expecting to derive satisfaction from it.
This is futile. The approval & satisfaction that I’ve been thirsting for in doing great work has been available to me all along. Only by resting daily in the abundance of God’s love will I be truly content - happy & striving.
It’s time to let go and gloriously surrender to God’s will for my life.
So, I live the rest of my days with this understanding:
- God is in the space beyond where my understanding lies. I still have many questions about who he is but what I now is know enough for me to trust his intentions for me.
- I can no longer value my work more than I value God - it’s his work literally. It will be hard but a good rubrick is asking myself if I’m acting from a place of fear or love.
- This is what God will have me do in this moment of my life. The works of my hands are authored by him and I will let him cook instead of trying to force my own desires.
- At any point, I could get called to leave this world. My hope is that when that happens, I’m acting out his will for my life.
I’m so happy about my current resolve. A weight has been lifted. I can continue to create earnestly and wander in the unknown. For I know, that I am not walking alone.
Finally, to you reading this - I pray that you feel the warmth of God’s embrace for the rest of your days, Amen.
Love, Ore
Extras/Footnotes
- Thank you to my family, friends, advisors, collaborators, helpers, fusion users and friends. You make this journey much more fufilling!
- An extra thank you to “Edgar Allen Poe” for the pleasant surprise of the mechanical keyboard on which I enjoyed writing these words :)
- I know most of us don’t like to talk about death but, I believe that to live fully I have to look at it in the face and align my actions accordingly with the awareness that each moment can be my last on earth.
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God can be such an abstract concept sometimes.
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It doesn’t help that:
- the weight of being convicted about our actions can be so heavy sometimes that we choose ignorance.
- (some) people who are meant to lead us in his ways take advantage of it for their selfish aims.
- Nevertheless, it’s worth going on a journey to form an objective view of his love & who he is. Treating the Bible like I would another history book/reference & having a space to openly question what doesn’t make sense has helped greatly in my case.
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- Here’s a playlist of songs I’ve been meditating on this week
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If you wish to gift me anything this year: